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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Donald Trump

January 24, 2016 Leave a comment

10. He believes in religious freedom, and will protect us from Muslims
9. The fact that he’s chummy with the Clintons, means he can be bi-partisan
8. Sarah Palin endorsed him, so he has the support of conservatives
7. He’s a businessman – he knows economics
6. If a Supreme Court Justice rules against him, he can just fire them
5. He will bring back manufacturing jobs to the U.S., no matter the costs
4. Three words: Huge. Mexican. Wall.
3. He isn’t afraid to start a currency war with China to show them their place in the world
2. He can just use imminent domain to take back America from foreign companies
1. He can shoot first, and ask questions later – but still have tons of support

Compiled with the help of Trump supporters – their mountains of assumption, ignorance of the man’s past, and misunderstanding of how government works.

By Michael Vadon (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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The Wendy Davis Playlist

January 21, 2014 1 comment

In honor of the bumpy road that the Wendy Davis campaign is currently traversing, and thanks to an idea that started on Tony Katz Tonight, I put together a short playlist for the Wendy Davis campaign – just something for them to listen to when the days get long, and their bogus narratives wear thin. So, with credit to Tony, PrairieDogSD, and the many others who frequent the most entertaining chat room, weekdays between 9pm and midnight, I give you, the WDPL. (links lead to YouTube videos)

  1. Maneater” by Hall & Oates (especially fitting after considering her divorce to her second husband was ONE day after he finished paying off her student loan debts)
  2. Lies” by Fleetwood Mac
  3. Oh No Not My Baby” by Aretha Franklin (In “honor” of her filibuster supporting abortions)
  4. Stupid Girl” by Cold
  5. New Low” by Middle Class Rut (“So many directions, I don’t know which way to go, I’m so busy doing nothing, I got nothing to show”)
  6. You Really Got Me” by the Kinks (interesting when considered from a supporter’s point of view)
  7. You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by the Rolling Stones (for her dubious past and her attempts to change it)
  8. Liar” by Rains (for either of her ex-husbands [the second filed for divorce citing ‘infidelity‘])
  9. Oh Daddy” by Fleetwood Mac (the second Fleetwood song, due to her father introducing her to her second husband, who was 13 years her senior)
  10. O Fortuna” by Carl Orff (if she should actually, somehow, win the Texas governor’s race)

So, there you have it – ten songs that fit her campaign for one reason or another. By title or lyric, there are so many more that would be applicable to this mess of a campaign, feel free to add your choices in the comments.

Wendy DavisUpdates: Folks are offering songs to the original playlist, and they are as follows:

Obamacare’s New Angle

November 20, 2013 Leave a comment
Kathleen Sebelius

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius

WASHINGTON (MU News) — Kathleen Sebelius visited a Miami hospital today, and shook hands with Obamacare navigators. The new photo-op’s aim was illustrating the number of people being helped by Obamacare, and to show how easy it was to sign up for the program.

However, what happened was that the site crashed while one lady was attempting to sign up for the program, and while the enrollee was speaking with Secretary Sebelius. The couple enrolling and at the mercy of the site remarked, “It’s OK – it’ll come back. It happens everyday.” Quickly trying to patch the situation, the Office of Health and Human Services revealed a “new” way to sign up for Obamacare, without even using the glitchy website.

At an HHS Obamacare program update, in Washington D.C., the agency introduced a man dressed in a jumpsuit as a new speaker for the department. He at first appeared nervous and out-of-place, but after shuffling some papers handed to him and being winked at by another man in a suit, seemed to compose himself and began to answer reporters’ questions.

How badly will this new program fair? Could HHS actually be any more incompetent? Read the rest of the satirical piece on The Constitution Club.

Famous Peoples’ Reactions to The Shutdown

October 1, 2013 Leave a comment
Harry Reid Shutdown

I KNOW I’m forgetting something…

Tonight, at midnight, the unthinkable occurred. Again. The government was shutdown as a result of poor management by the Senate, and their complete inability to compromise. The Majority Leader blamed the fact that Obamacare-defunding mechanisms were attached to the House’s continuing resolution bill. Harry Reid was unable to separate himself from his Obama-lapdog status, and was forced to do nothing, tabling the GOP-House-passed continuing resolution to fund the government.

It is expected that nowhere will be hit as hard by all this, as Hollywood, and no one will feel this worse than the jet-set Hollywood crowd that Democrats love to party with. The poor stars will not be able to spend their time at the closed national parks, or visit landmarks as they are so often known for doing. MU News has reached out to a few celebrities for their opinions on the entire financial mess, and the wise words of the stars tells the sad story.

Permanently famous-for-doing-nothing-in-particular star, Paris Hilton seemed nonplussed by the gridlock. “Daddy’s Maserati will still run, right? Like, I can still drink at “Le Throng” in L.A., right? So, the streetlights will be out then?”

Football star Peyton Manning appeared nonchalant. “Look, I’m a quarterback, not some idiot kicker – I’ve been watching what’s going on. But as long as my arm and my Papa John’s stock is alright, I don’t really care. Boehner’s finally acting like a general out there, and Harry Reid’s acting like a big, offensive lineman. If I were there in Washington, I’d tell him the same as I’d tell my own linemen – ‘move yer ass, Harry!'”.

Chris Matthews

Chris Matthews is worried

Television personality and restless-leg sufferer, Chris Matthews could barely contain himself. “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!! THOSE DAMNED REPUBLICANS ARE BLOCKING EVERYTHING AGAIN! They’re like governmental constipation! They’re gonna ruin everything, what with their ‘reduce spending’ and ‘spend more responsibly’ attitudes. God, they make me sick.”

MU News attempted to make contact with a couple of New York politicians, but we were told that Mayor Bloomberg was busy attempting to get the subways to run on time, and that Anthony Weiner was taking an important phone call.

Whatever the result of the shutdown will be, it will not change the fact that Obamacare is still greatly un-supported by Americans, and the list of grievances in regard to Obamacare continue to grow. Hopefully, Harry Reid will feel the pain of his Hollywood buddies, and act accordingly, and reaching a compromise with House republicans.

Clearly satire, MU (Made Up) News is a parody news agency. If it’s a Made Up story, it probably didn’t happen.

Bob Filner…Football star?

August 4, 2013 Leave a comment

Mayor Bob Despite the ongoing scandal, and legal battle faced by embattled San Diego mayor, Bob “Headlock” Filner, unnamed sources have confirmed that a few football teams are considering giving him a tryout. It is unknown what kind of contract they would offer him, but seeing as how voters are balking at paying for his legal defense, Filner may actually consider signing.

Scouts, speaking on conditions of anonymity, seemed to rave about Filner’s unique talents, and how they could benefit their teams.

Read the entire story on the Constitution Club.

Joe Biden Goes to Kindergarten

June 24, 2013 Leave a comment

CHICAGO (MU News) — Earlier Monday, Vice President Joe Biden visited a school in suburban Chicago, and spent the day with a kindergarten class. While the visit was originally scheduled to be a brief stop, at the opening of the year-round Bill Clinton School for Wayward Tots, VP Biden ended up spending the entire day with the children. Biden stayed so long, in fact, that he was nearly late for a dinner reception with business leaders and Chicago-area community organizers.

Joe goes to school

Joe Biden’s new favorite classroom

What kinds of trouble did Biden cause on his “educational field trip” today? Read the rest of the almost-news report here atThe Constitution Club

Obama & His Pilgrims

November 21, 2012 Leave a comment
Horn of Plenty

Happy Thanksgiving

(This Thanksgiving, much of the country is in a rather depressed and “down” mood, owing primarily to another year of a poorly recovering economy and the lack of recovery President Obama promised. I thought it might be interesting to consider how an “Obama-led” first Thanksgiving might have occurred. So, here is the satirical story of the Obama [and his pals’] Thanksgiving celebration)

On the bitterly cold day, the Pautuxet Tribe and the Obama-Pilgrims decided to hold their feast, the leader of the Pilgrims, Obama, had promised to bring many people with him. Obama assured the Chief that he would bring many good people, with new ideas that would make the Natives’ lives so much better and easier. The Natives would not have to even work any harder, Obama assured them. Pilgrim-Obama could see the distrustful, and incredulous look on Chief Samoset’s face, so he decided to introduce Samoset to his friends.

The first person Obama was going to introduce was his close friend, Joe Biden. Before Obama could even turn and introduce Joe to Samoset, Biden could be seen wearing a squaw’s headdress, grinning from ear-to-ear, and enthusiastically shaking Natives’ hands while saying patronizingly, “How” to each. Samoset could not believe that someone who was a leader could be so ignorant of good manners.

Obama merely smiled, and on seeing the Chief’s disgusted look, just shrugged his shoulders, and chimed, “That Joe – he is incorrigible, eh? Let me show you another one of my favorite friends, Chief. I would like you to meet Pilgrim-Pelosi.”

Obama turned, and gestured to an older lady, who was putting a steaming kettle onto a table. She was having some difficulty with it, but eventually pushed enough other items on the table around, that she made room for the kettle. Getting a whiff of the disgusting dish, it forced Samoset  to take a step backward, reeling from the stench. “Ugh, Nancy, what is in that pot?” Samoset inquired.

“Well, now Chief, you are going to have to eat it to find out what is in it…”, and Nancy turned and quickly walked away.

Obama beamed. “Uh, Chief, here is another one of my best associates and important friends – meet Pilgrim-Reid.” Pilgrim-Reid had spent all his time since arriving putting food and other items onto the dining table, whether that was their place or not. The Chief noticed he seemed pre-occupied with just putting things on that table, and doing nothing else. Obama, noticing the Chief’s confused look chimed in, “Yeah, Pilgrim-Reid’s really kept me from having to do a lot of work. He always seems to find more room to push things aside, and it really allows me to focus on my own favorite projects.”

“Now let me go ahead and introduce you to a couple more friends, Chief. That man there,” Obama pointed toward a man with his head in his hands, shaking, “is Pilgrim-John. Say ‘hello’, John.” The man looked up, and the Chief could see the man had been bawling, and that was what was causing the shaking. “Chief, John likes people to think he is tough, but he is really a big pushover…That man there,” Obama pointed toward a rotund man, placing a blueberry pie on the table, “is Pilgrim-Al, Chief.”

Obama pointed at the man, and the man pointed back, smiled, and hollered, “Whoop – there it is! Feast we much – and we will!”

Overhearing this, and chiming in with his two cents, Pilgrim Joe said, “I think this is off. Starvation got us here, and starvation will get us back out again.”

Sad Obama

Sad Obama

Obama winked at the two, and turned his attention back to Samoset, who at this point, was having trouble believing that this group could even buckle their own shoes. Samoset could think of no reason that this motley crew would ever be successful in anything – they simply acted too preoccupied with their own individual plans and other nonsense.  For a people who had just arrived, they had nothing in their talents or abilities that really seemed to stick out to Samoset – they were too sure of themselves, and the plans that Pilgrim-Obama had shared with him? They would never work. Well, Samoset thought, at least the rest of the pilgrims would never support this guy after his big plans were shown to be so divisive and such failures, right? Surely, no tribe with leaders like these is sure to last.