WASHINGTON (MU News) — Kathleen Sebelius visited a Miami hospital today, and shook hands with Obamacare navigators. The new photo-op’s aim was illustrating the number of people being helped by Obamacare, and to show how easy it was to sign up for the program.
However, what happened was that the site crashed while one lady was attempting to sign up for the program, and while the enrollee was speaking with Secretary Sebelius. The couple enrolling and at the mercy of the site remarked, “It’s OK – it’ll come back. It happens everyday.” Quickly trying to patch the situation, the Office of Health and Human Services revealed a “new” way to sign up for Obamacare, without even using the glitchy website.
At an HHS Obamacare program update, in Washington D.C., the agency introduced a man dressed in a jumpsuit as a new speaker for the department. He at first appeared nervous and out-of-place, but after shuffling some papers handed to him and being winked at by another man in a suit, seemed to compose himself and began to answer reporters’ questions.
How badly will this new program fair? Could HHS actually be any more incompetent? Read the rest of the satirical piece on The Constitution Club.
Tonight, at midnight, the unthinkable occurred. Again. The government was shutdown as a result of poor management by the Senate, and their complete inability to compromise. The Majority Leader blamed the fact that Obamacare-defunding mechanisms were attached to the House’s continuing resolution bill. Harry Reid was unable to separate himself from his Obama-lapdog status, and was forced to do nothing, tabling the GOP-House-passed continuing resolution to fund the government.
It is expected that nowhere will be hit as hard by all this, as Hollywood, and no one will feel this worse than the jet-set Hollywood crowd that Democrats love to party with. The poor stars will not be able to spend their time at the closed national parks, or visit landmarks as they are so often known for doing. MU News has reached out to a few celebrities for their opinions on the entire financial mess, and the wise words of the stars tells the sad story.
Permanently famous-for-doing-nothing-in-particular star, Paris Hilton seemed nonplussed by the gridlock. “Daddy’s Maserati will still run, right? Like, I can still drink at “Le Throng” in L.A., right? So, the streetlights will be out then?”
Football star Peyton Manning appeared nonchalant. “Look, I’m a quarterback, not some idiot kicker – I’ve been watching what’s going on. But as long as my arm and my Papa John’s stock is alright, I don’t really care. Boehner’s finally acting like a general out there, and Harry Reid’s acting like a big, offensive lineman. If I were there in Washington, I’d tell him the same as I’d tell my own linemen – ‘move yer ass, Harry!'”.
Television personality and restless-leg sufferer, Chris Matthews could barely contain himself. “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!! THOSE DAMNED REPUBLICANS ARE BLOCKING EVERYTHING AGAIN! They’re like governmental constipation! They’re gonna ruin everything, what with their ‘reduce spending’ and ‘spend more responsibly’ attitudes. God, they make me sick.”
MU News attempted to make contact with a couple of New York politicians, but we were told that Mayor Bloomberg was busy attempting to get the subways to run on time, and that Anthony Weiner was taking an important phone call.
Whatever the result of the shutdown will be, it will not change the fact that Obamacare is still greatly un-supported by Americans, and the list of grievances in regard to Obamacare continue to grow. Hopefully, Harry Reid will feel the pain of his Hollywood buddies, and act accordingly, and reaching a compromise with House republicans.
Clearly satire, MU (Made Up) News is a parody news agency. If it’s a Made Up story, it probably didn’t happen.
Despite the ongoing scandal, and legal battle faced by embattled San Diego mayor, Bob “Headlock” Filner, unnamed sources have confirmed that a few football teams are considering giving him a tryout. It is unknown what kind of contract they would offer him, but seeing as how voters are balking at paying for his legal defense, Filner may actually consider signing.
Scouts, speaking on conditions of anonymity, seemed to rave about Filner’s unique talents, and how they could benefit their teams.
Read the entire story on the Constitution Club.
CHICAGO (MU News) — Earlier Monday, Vice President Joe Biden visited a school in suburban Chicago, and spent the day with a kindergarten class. While the visit was originally scheduled to be a brief stop, at the opening of the year-round Bill Clinton School for Wayward Tots, VP Biden ended up spending the entire day with the children. Biden stayed so long, in fact, that he was nearly late for a dinner reception with business leaders and Chicago-area community organizers.
What kinds of trouble did Biden cause on his “educational field trip” today? Read the rest of the almost-news report here at: The Constitution Club