Obama & His Pilgrims
(This Thanksgiving, much of the country is in a rather depressed and “down” mood, owing primarily to another year of a poorly recovering economy and the lack of recovery President Obama promised. I thought it might be interesting to consider how an “Obama-led” first Thanksgiving might have occurred. So, here is the satirical story of the Obama [and his pals'] Thanksgiving celebration)
On the bitterly cold day, the Pautuxet Tribe and the Obama-Pilgrims decided to hold their feast, the leader of the Pilgrims, Obama, had promised to bring many people with him. Obama assured the Chief that he would bring many good people, with new ideas that would make the Natives’ lives so much better and easier. The Natives would not have to even work any harder, Obama assured them. Pilgrim-Obama could see the distrustful, and incredulous look on Chief Samoset’s face, so he decided to introduce Samoset to his friends.
The first person Obama was going to introduce was his close friend, Joe Biden. Before Obama could even turn and introduce Joe to Samoset, Biden could be seen wearing a squaw’s headdress, grinning from ear-to-ear, and enthusiastically shaking Natives’ hands while saying patronizingly, “How” to each. Samoset could not believe that someone who was a leader could be so ignorant of good manners.
Obama merely smiled, and on seeing the Chief’s disgusted look, just shrugged his shoulders, and chimed, “That Joe – he is incorrigible, eh? Let me show you another one of my favorite friends, Chief. I would like you to meet Pilgrim-Pelosi.”
Obama turned, and gestured to an older lady, who was putting a steaming kettle onto a table. She was having some difficulty with it, but eventually pushed enough other items on the table around, that she made room for the kettle. Getting a whiff of the disgusting dish, it forced Samoset to take a step backward, reeling from the stench. “Ugh, Nancy, what is in that pot?” Samoset inquired.
“Well, now Chief, you are going to have to eat it to find out what is in it…”, and Nancy turned and quickly walked away.
Obama beamed. “Uh, Chief, here is another one of my best associates and important friends – meet Pilgrim-Reid.” Pilgrim-Reid had spent all his time since arriving putting food and other items onto the dining table, whether that was their place or not. The Chief noticed he seemed pre-occupied with just putting things on that table, and doing nothing else. Obama, noticing the Chief’s confused look chimed in, “Yeah, Pilgrim-Reid’s really kept me from having to do a lot of work. He always seems to find more room to push things aside, and it really allows me to focus on my own favorite projects.”
“Now let me go ahead and introduce you to a couple more friends, Chief. That man there,” Obama pointed toward a man with his head in his hands, shaking, “is Pilgrim-John. Say ‘hello’, John.” The man looked up, and the Chief could see the man had been bawling, and that was what was causing the shaking. “Chief, John likes people to think he is tough, but he is really a big pushover…That man there,” Obama pointed toward a rotund man, placing a blueberry pie on the table, “is Pilgrim-Al, Chief.”
Obama pointed at the man, and the man pointed back, smiled, and hollered, “Whoop – there it is! Feast we much – and we will!”
Overhearing this, and chiming in with his two cents, Pilgrim Joe said, “I think this is off. Starvation got us here, and starvation will get us back out again.”
Obama winked at the two, and turned his attention back to Samoset, who at this point, was having trouble believing that this group could even buckle their own shoes. Samoset could think of no reason that this motley crew would ever be successful in anything – they simply acted too preoccupied with their own individual plans and other nonsense. For a people who had just arrived, they had nothing in their talents or abilities that really seemed to stick out to Samoset – they were too sure of themselves, and the plans that Pilgrim-Obama had shared with him? They would never work. Well, Samoset thought, at least the rest of the pilgrims would never support this guy after his big plans were shown to be so divisive and such failures, right? Surely, no tribe with leaders like these is sure to last.